Why geniuses are always some kind of twisted or suffers from depression or abjectedness? Vincent Van Gogh, a renowned Dutch painter produced most of his best work in the two years before his suicide due to his 'mental illness'. Is there some kind of embedded genes that make them more susceptible to depression in their DNA? Or was it their surrounding? Maybe they have to lead a harder path than we the commoners? Maybe some thing that he wrote in his letter that we are going to study in class may answer these questions.
I did some research on this renowned painter. I am most interested in his self-portrait, the one with his ears bandaged. His face was gaunt and brazzen. He must have been a very secretive person. A person who found it hard to warm up to others even after a few meetings. Always putting on indifferent front. But his eyes has something else to say. Something in his eyes telling me that he was suffering, that it was very painful inside. His eyes telling me of his softer sensitive side. Looking into those canvas-frozen eyes I feel melancholy seeping into my heart. If only I can calm those troubled eyes. I feel some kind of attachment to him, he mirrors me. If I can cure his sadness surely I can find a way to cure mine too?
I think Vincent was a lonely man. He depended on his brother to support him financially and emotionally; his only best friends were his brother and sister (and perhaps a few others). ' You are not here- but I need you and sometimes feel that we are not far away from each other.' That clearly shows how he depends on his brother to keep him from falling apart. To forget all that troubling him he started to give full attention to his works. Perhaps at that moment work became a numbing drug that push away all pains to the back of his mind, a moment of solace. He hinted at this saying, 'that is my ambition, based less on resentment than on love, based more on feeling of serenity than on passion...Though I am always in the depth of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, the dirtiest corners...and my mind is driven towards these things with irresistible momentum'.
The first letter was perhaps written when he was in a better health condition. From the tone of his writing,we could derive that he was lonely, just barely able to keep himself alive due to his financial status ( by that time he was poor), but still he was able to be cheerful, advising his brothers about his books, have more time to dwell in the optimistic view of life. In his second letter we can see a shift in tone, which seems to be more melancholic, and more focused in keeping his sanity, more occupied with his internal conflicts- hence he was more keen on talking about his paintings. His paintings are his self-expressions, his thoughts and feelings. Reading his second letter we could feel that he was withdrawing into himself, disengaging himself from his circle of society (other painters) and prefer to be on his own as he revealed in his preference to listen to the 'language of nature'.
When at first he can still enjoys life apart from painting, in the second letter he seemed withdrawn and enjoyed only painting. This is what I can derive from analysing his letters, but still the questions are not answered.
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